Something or Nothing.

It's a choice.  Have you ever wanting something and got nothing.  It happens.  That was a gift that came my way yesterday.  The nothing part but I wanted something.  It was at the top of my list.  Sunday I wanted nothing.  Yesterday I wanted something.  And I got nothing.  Frustration with tears flowed until a good friend walked along side.  

It was mammogram day with an additional ultrasound morning.  And when the results came, the nothing results were covered with tears.  I wanted something.  The nothing was the better choice for me. During the waiting time that comes with doctor's visits, I read in a magazine for cancer patients the words that Friends are here for healing.  So with lots of questions unanswered because I was talking to a mammogram/ultra sound doctor and not a cancer doctor, she heard my frustrations and gave as many answers as she could and finished with a hug.  What a wonderful doctor came my way. That was my something.   I was blessed but still frustrated.  The nothing just was not completely understood.   

So the drive home took an unusual turn. Instead of driving south toward home, I turned north.  I just wanted to go somewhere, see something, think about other things that might put me in a better place.  So I drove waiting for that.  On the drive north I thought of my Carmel friend.  She would be ready to hear my next chapter.  She has walked the cancer walk.  So with no phone call to alert her, I dropped in.  She was busy but I because her focus.  She was happy to know that nothing was the diagnoses.  There was no breast cancer in the morning mammogram and ultrasound.  Nothing was better.  She kept talking.  I didn't want breast cancer but I wanted a plan.  I finally had to admit that nothing was better and could even provide a foundational plan for the work that Dr. Schnieder needed to do to devise the next phase of cancer treatment.   Nothing is better.  I'm working to remember that nothing is a blessing. 

My friend Sarah who has worked in the world of cancer for many years once again has reminded me that sometimes cancer treatments are straight forward.  You have this...you do that.  Sometimes that is not the case.  It would seem this is not a straight forward case.  My hope is to remember that very thing.  She says...most cancer patients might put themselves in the horse group.  Not really but just saying.  The healing plan is clearer.  Then there are the zebras...sort of a horse but not really...It's the zebra group. The healing plan is not so clear.  It's  a smaller  group and takes more figuring for treatment.  She says that I am a zebra.  I need reminder pictures.  

The rest of the day continued with a trip to Ace Hardware for spring gardening items.  More seeds and more ideas.  Another flower bed ready with edging finished and I'm ready for a trip to the greenhouse on the south side of Indy with another friend.  Supper...another great salad.  Just can't get enough of that kind of evening meal.  And then cards and a trip around the block with Stella.  A friend that just keeps on walking along side.  

For now...all is well, all is well.  Friends are for healing. all is well, all is well.  I feel showered in love, prayer and the ability to say...all is well.  Last nights sleep ended with light coming through the window.  It was a healing night.