IN Carmel

 I need to get better at letting go.  It's God's time...not mine.  It is becoming clearer to me that the absence of sleep is directly related to the fact that I cannot use my c pap machine for another month.  Nights will be difficult until April.  So I need to make some plans.  What filled some awake time last night was hearing the first Sunday of Lent message from Sec. Presbyterian Church.  What a blessing.  The music, preaching and prayer time carried me along.  I spent that hour on the green recliner in the living room, a place of healing for many surgeries.  I love my Iphone friend who opens the window to new thinking during the dark of night.  Since the surgery was long and breathing with support during those 10 hrs,  the body continues to find it's way to healing. I'm working with my before surgery and after surgery breathing machine.   Letting the body call most of the shots which it does if I let go,  can be a prayer focus.   Yes...I continue to walk expelling a

 I'm not good at a whole lot of things.  Math...bummer...cooking...lazy...fiction reading...loose interest.  Those things I can live with but the one that bothers me the most is...the marriage between what is good for my body at this point and what my mind races along wanting to do.  Who can tell me if I'm doing the best for both body and mind.  Mind is easier...I've had that for a whole number of years.  This  body...not so easy.  It's a new born.   So readers, give this new "problem" some thought.  Maybe the answer will come in a still small voice.  I'll be waiting with ears open.   Another beautiful day marked Friday.  Grocery shopping was a success which did put me on the comfy chair when all was put away.  Later the voice said.  Time for a walk around the block. I answered...windy and cold.  No walk.  Later. I heard again, walk.  . Did I listen or ignore.  Of course I listened and really enjoyed the beautiful fresh air  walk with Stella Stroller once

 The end of five days.  That reminds me of the years I was with my first and second grade friends.  What great memories of a little of this and a little of that and finding something to give me a good laugh every day.  Being with those little minds that were ready to burst onto the world was a job like none other.  Memories are good.  And they carry me on.   Yesterday brought the Home Health Care nurse with a blood pressure check, temp, check, an oxygen check  a "how are you doing" and then on to someone more needy. My sister stopped by with chicken noodle soup.  Yum.  I poured a bowl for supper and got out the smoked lake trout as well.  The soup is delicious but the trout won in this instance.  I needed to feel the heat of the sun around me so another walk around the block with Stella Stroller.  What a friend.  I stopped to take a picture of my shadow and Stella to send to the grandsons.  It got rave reviews even though the picture button turned from white to red again...(b

 I must report....Yesterday the walk around the block with my PT friend Victor resulted in 2 one hour naps later in the afternoon.  What a blessing.  Then supper came from Upper Michigan and Lake Superior.  Smoked fish!   That is our favorite camping meal.  First the smell and then the sight of the fish put us right at the picnic table at Fort Wilkins.  It's our vacation spot now for over 45 years.  Since I was home instead of camping...What do I want to eat with fish...Well...I guess fish!  But I did break out the corn meal and made corn bread.  Doug ate fish...I ate fish with a bit of cornbread.  Last night's meal was Lake Trout...there will be more of that and then we'll dive into White Fish.  How sweet it is.   The rest of the evening included phone calls with Eric and Jared, a game of 3/13 after supper and then an evening of TV.  I found once again my sleeping chair and the evening was ready to begin.  Change in plans.  Sleep...not TV was the agenda for the night..   A

 The success I'm thinking about is the fact that yesterday I dressed in my red and white feeling a bit like before surgery and once again...off to the Medical Center to see Laura,  my new best  friend.  Laura has walked the walk of drain removals, answer giver, finding someone to answer my questions when she couldn't and provided a steady hand the last few weeks of visits.  I expressed my gratitude to her for that gift of healing.  I think she understands.  And the last of 4 drains was removed, not with out a bushel of pain for this one.  I discovered it was about a foot long.  Ouch!!!And to add to the goodness of the day, Dr. Moore the ENT Surgeon sat with us and answered more questions as well as sharing expectations for the days ahead.  Yesterday was a gift.  The good things...the flap taken from my back continues to shrink as expected.  The color is good and continued healing is expected.  Those are medical comments.  My comment not through medical eyes, "are you sure&

 During the night I felt the need to think gratitude.  It was gratitude for a good three hour sleep in our big comfy reclines that has provided sleep through surgeries for Doug and I in the past.  That chair has been loaned out to another friend healing from heart surgery.  It would seem that nights will continue to be spent in various places in our house.  Grateful feelings knowing I'm in a safe comfortable place to roam as needed.   The night  included another trip through the healing messages in cards that have arrived daily in our mailbox.  Knowing friends are with me brings a feeling of gratitude.  I'm wondering what the mailman must be thinking!   Today brings another visit to the Medical Center with a visit to those who have walked the beginning walk with me.  Their support has been immeasurable.  Yesterday a direction was  indicated moving out of the this surgery experience and forward into what could be the medical part of treating cancer hiding somewhere else in my bo

 Thinking...The week started yesterday but Sunday always seems to be a day apart of the week.  The week starts on Monday for me.  My little note book is collecting questions for tomorrow's ENT visit.  There are always questions.  I will call Laura, my n p with a couple of reminders today with the hope that tomorrow she will relay information gathered.    Purple  for Lent in the church looks great via livestream.   A few things were missed that always are done.   I guess there is a hole in my memory box.  Yesterday I worked on a purple swag for the music stands.  I need to do the second one maybe today..  The energy buck was empty after the first one was finished.  Doug is gone this morning to the tax man.  He's on it early this year.  Check that job finished.   So for now...it would appear that our lives are finding niches that were once routine and that are somewhat returning.  Two eggs for breakfast, coffee and the crossword puzzle among other things.  I am appreciating  shor

 Thinking about a song...Remember?   There's a hole in the bucket, Dear Lisa, Dear Lisa.  Well, the girls name is wrong.  The singer thinks the bucket is full.  And it might be but the hole is there.  And the bucket filled with energy just leaks out through that hole.  So it goes.  I'm doing my best to remember the hole and most of the time I do remember.  For most of the day and all of the night I'm spending time in my sewing room.  The chair is there, the TV is there, the I Phone is there and it's easy living to be in that room.  So...this morning it was looking a bit like a dump and I managed to do a bit of house cleaning and even pushed the sweeper through the mess.  The song for that is One room at a time sweet Jesus.   Today is church day, the first Sunday in Lent.  My dear church friends met at North yesterday to do what I usually do.  That is to change the church color of the year from green to purple.  I'm excited to see the results and of course to hear th

 Best sleep ever, even though it was another chair night.  I'll take it gladly.  Yesterday Rosie stopped by with green bean, ham and potato soup.  Lots of talking happened.  It was a good thing.  Maybe that was related to a long night of sleep done in spirts but still done. .  Who would know.   I do continue to be surprised at how quickly I  and my back seem to reach the done  part of doing.  This morning Doug and I did a bit of changing furniture in the dining room to allow for a rocking chair and window combination to watch the birds at the feeders. It's great entertainment watching the robin chase away the black birds more than once or twice until the b. Birds decide  Robin is king.  Every feeder needs at least one Robin.   Not much more is on my mind now.  Just continuing to celebrate the healing of surgery sites.  One day at a time Sweet Jesus...that's the music of the day.  

 As you may or may not know...My "bed" has been my chair for most of the month.  Last night another try at lying down.  A most uncomfortable night was the outcome.  Things take the time they take.  Yes...Mary Oliver.  My time just doesn't happen to be the time it takes.  So...at 4 am back on the chair with a good 4 hour sleep.  I hear you Mary Oliver.   And the conclusion to yesterdays events tell me...better timing needs to happen.  Back to back visits with the home health care nurse and PT person and then a short visit with a good friend.  Zooming with the choir ended the evening.  Trying to stay on top of all this is another one of my pit falls.  I don't need to stay on top!  A great lesson to learn.  Somethings need to go...somethings need to stay.   Today, I would love to have a shower.  This might gross my readers out but...I have had a wash down and a hair shampoo at the sink but no shower since the morning of Feb. 1.  My leg is healing wonderfully, well my bac

 Don't worry, Things take the time they take.  Don't worry.  How many roads did St. Augustine follow before he became St. Augustine.  M Oliver.   I repeated this to the surgeon  who was with me at yesterday's visit.    Her expertise was to take muscle from my back and put it on my head to protect the head wound where the tumor was extracted.  She was so apologetic about the need for more time for a good answers.  This cancer is a bit complicated because finding where it originated in the body is still to be determined.  So...a bit more time to decide on a comprehensive plan to make necessary treatment decisions.  This morning the tumor board meets again and this case will be discussed again with perhaps a plan of action coming as soon as tomorrow or perhaps Monday.   I look forward to knowing the name of the oncologist who will be walking with me on this journey to complete health.  What you have read is the no answer that still is to come. .   Now the yes answer.  The biop

 Middle of the week day.  Brr.  It's the gift winter brings and needs to be returned to where it came from asap.  Love my throw electric...Everyone should have one to maintain good health!!!   Thinking about San Antonia Tx. where my cousin's daughter lives.  Thinking about Richardson Tx. where my brother-in-law lives and thinking about Kurt and family who live in Dallas.  And praying that Texans will soon receive some sort of warming for their homes.   Angels were with me again last night.  Sleep continues to heal in lengthening spirts.  I am grateful.  My sleep apnea will probably keep me in the chair for a while.  Exhaustion from compromised breathing while asleep is something I'm trying to avoid.  It's not a pleasant thing.  Made a few phone calls to friends yesterday.  One or two are good.  More that that are a challenge.  The effects of surgery to harvest lymphnods have affected nerves in my face, neck and upper chest and talking becomes a challenge with involuntar

 Looks like a marsh mellow world from my window.  Good old Carmel.  7:30 and the road is plowed.  Breakfast eaten, crossword finished and I'm ready for the next thing.  Might be a nap.  Speaking of sleeping...The prayer warriors must be working.  Last night, although not long, the sleep was rewarding.  Thanks be to God.  Maybe the body is quieting down.  Maybe prayers are working.  Could be both.  Today was to be a PT day but I canceled.  We have a driveway that needs  plowing.  And I can PT by myself today as well.  I do have a way to go but I'm ready for the trip.  PT will be Thursday with my friend.   Before Feb 1st I awarded myself an IPhone.  What a fun way to stay connected with the grandsons.  They are a hoot.  Michigan kids have no school today.  That message came early.  It's lambing season on their farm.  I've lost count at this point but there are sets of twins as well as singles.  Some little black and some little white lambs.  Got to have sturdy farmers to

 Nights are a bit long but in some respects they were long before surgery.  So...surgery is not the entire reason to be awake I must remember.  So at three o'clock I emptied. the  dishwasher, folded a small load of wash and played games on my I phone.  Happy to have the energy to do all that.  And again saw the darkness leave the window to the day light.  I am blessed for many reasons. Waking is one of them.    I have a mind that works for most of the time.  Well, if I work on it, all the time.   Today new dressings for my leg were delivered to the front door.  Many thanks.  Doug made a trip out to the drugstore for the usual pills and now we are honkered down for the snow storm.   Our needs are being met.  That's another blessing knowing that others are not so fortunate.   Texting all five of my grandsons is such fun.  They were giving me a bit of a tease  and I e mailed a picture of my skin flap on my head.  Uck...Enough said.  I got them good.  I really saw it for the first

 The song...I owe the Lord a morning song...of gratitude and praise.  For the kind mercy He has shown in lengthening out my days.  That was my mothers song often heard as she made breakfast on Sunday morning. She was not such a great singer (alto) but I remember those words so well.    Those memories help to carry the day for me.   So another Sunday...This one is really special since on Feb. 14th...a few, well more than a few years ago, Jared, our second son was born.  What a blessing our boys have been to us.  And this morning by text, I have pictures of two sweet lambs that were born on their farm near Midland Mi. early this morning.  One is black and one is white. Yes...this is lambing season.  So far...5 live births and 2 not.  4 boys and a girl.  More to come soon.  What a gift...were Jared's words.  I love getting texts from the grandsons about all the barn events.   A second attempt of sleeping in bed was an attempt that I'm willing to pass for a while.  My back and leg

 Yes, these two Russell's had an early morning 8 am date to finish our Covid vaccines.  We did it.  All of these little mountains we've climbed do have rewards.  2 more weeks and we should be a better good to go couple.  But...all this cold weather?  Home looks pretty good to both of us.  A dear sweet friend brought pads that are used on fresh leg wound so the trip to IU north was successful in so many ways.  Home health care will bring more for my head as well on Tuesday.  That's another little mountain.   Yesterday I met with a PT instructor.  Evaluations were completed and it's that old balance thing.  I do have a whole lot of time to work on that.  No really good excuses and getting well needs to include PT.   The days are beginning to have a routine that is comfortable.  The music is playing louder and louder.  Reminds me of sitting in the middle of the choir loft with Heather playing the organ LOUD.  My favorite. It feels like being in a wind storm with the notes

 Don't worry...Things take the time they take, Don't worry.      How many Roads did St. Augustine follow before he because St. Augustine.  Mary Oliver.   This Mary Oliver piece of advice is one I'm going to memorize.   There will be many roads, lanes and super highways  traveled in the months to come.  Many.  Yesterday brought answers to questions.  the answers were...No answers for now..  Genomics Testing questions had no answers.  So the road will move on to the next stop in the trip. The dressing to the graft site was cleaned and changed  during the I U visit and now needs to remain open to the air with petroleum jelly slathered .  Sort of messy to say the least with an added ton of pain but it's got to happen.  Doug is my support nurse attending to my leg.  Thanks be to God.  Let's add the drains to the morning work.  Still have drains and back staples.  I did get rid of 18 staples under my chin to my ear.  Lymph nodes taken from that spot.   This morning I made

 A huge one of many more to come.  This one...the wedge in the bed...5 hrs of sleep.  The hope is that the wedge will be helpful with sleep apnea.  Judgment is out on that one right now. It's worth a try.   Todays' milestone...a visit to the IU medical center to remover all the staples , a check up with the skin graft on my head and a look see on my leg where the graft came from.  I could loose the drains!!!  That's a milestone for Doug.   Yes..it's another one of those medical days.  I am so very grateful.  It's all part of the plan to returning health.   We'll bundle up early, take the road south and proceed to the I U parking lot with a wheelchair push to the Med center and then to the office where ever that might be. The first visit...The INFORMATION desk.    I've been to Dr. Moore's office at I U north hospital, not downtown.   I think it's today the tumor board of doctors meet to discuss what the next chapter in this get well book will contain.

 Meetings continue...Not prayer meetings.  No one needs to meet with anyone.  I feel they come when needed from all of you great support person and angels. .  Tues. it was a good meeting with the home health care folks.  They will check in every few days.  I'm finding already that  questions are fewer if one learns to wait in due time.  HH Care...it's a good thing.   Today I met with my primary Doctor.  Brrr.  that was a cold trip to I U North.  Wheelchair made that a hoot of a ride.  Easy to tail gate the person in front of you.  Doug left me out to wait in the outer lobby. He parked the car.  Brrr.  A little old lady sort of like me using a cane helped to get me in.  That  was an amusing moment for both of us.  A wonderful time with Dr. Horsley him hearing the story and telling me that I got it right.  He did a wonderful patch job on my leg where the skin came from that should last till tomorrow.  It's a leaky thing that is treated like a burn.  A change in medication for

 With help from many places far and near.  I have been gifted with the words...I'm back!!!  Today with the birthing day.  Both of our boys were birthed at Methodist Hospital and today I felt like I was pushed back into life.  It was remarkable, remembering that feeling of being swaddled in prayer, treated with kindness and respect, meeting folks who were so interested in the chore of bringing healing with a plan for a successful move to home.   Gratitude can be added.  So...tonight, Doug changed the drains...I have two in my back.  That will continue for a while.  Supper over via Doug.  I'm pain free and  feel the road to total recovery is still a ways away but I'm certainly have a good start on that journey.  Music...This is the day...to celebrate.  More mile markers are coming.   Home health care folks are coming tomorrow, Tues.  A trip to my primary care doctor, Dr. Horsley is WEdnesday for a check up on ankle swelling related to gout.  I guess the body is saying that it

 Another song is with me.  It's a call and response.  This is the day, this is the day, That the Lord has made, that the Lord  has made. Let us be glad, let us be glad. And rejoice in it. and rejoice in it.   Yes this is the day of surgery and there is rejoicing.  I could list many rejoicings.  Good health for surgery, A husband  who is walking the walk with me.  Doctors that can make a change, Friends and family that support from many places.  Last nights sleep was a good one.  Now that's a gift of surprise. I might call that new music.   Yesterday, the day was spent with many phone calls talking to lots, and lots of friends.  Messages of support came from textings, Cathedral Singers face book, e-mails and neighbor visits and just thinking about how good God is.  And of course we took that short trip to get food for the birds.   A another coating of snow came during the night.  It makes the world a beautiful quiet place that will begin a new month.  Feb. 1.    Now for some oth